Constant repetence is necessary, for every evil deed tends to fester if left untreated. Guilt is necessary as well, but also a great sense of perserverence. With today’s failings, learn and pray for a new chance tomorrow and show your repentance with both words and actions. You will be persecuted and lose many comforts, even the sensation of God’s presence. Many ones deep in contemplation will get caught in the sense of loneliness and cease to progress, which can feel spiritually fatal. The wounds of love are now unberable, and there are few choices. You can not only deconstruct your actions, past, surroundings, or desires, but also deconstruct the concept of self and the separations of Creator and Creation. The root of concept of self is pride, the worst and most sickening of all sin. Self is a creation of man that blinds you with unimportant matters: Indulgence, wordly worries and fears, doubt of God, pride in one’s deeds, entitlement, lack of repentance, lack of guilt, and lack of urgency for change. If you believe that you are saved simply because you put in great effort to admit your faith and little effort to show it, you are surely mistaken. If you have not carried your own cross, whether that be through martyrdom or the average death of the self, then you should be in urgent prayer. Salvation requires a cross from both divine and man. He will not save you for your weak conviction, you must actively choose him and use the tools from Him to get there. The issue of pride is most intense. Why do you think of yourself so highly, that you believe you do not have to repent again, when your first repentence was so meek and ingenuine? That you believe your prayer is strong, when you hardly pray? That you believe you are entitled to every blessing you wish, when you disobey God at any chance? Or even to judge others, even to judge Judas Escariot for his betrayal when you would do it a billion times over for nothing in return?

When you begin to deconstruct the self, you see that you are the only thing keeping yourself from God, and that you feel alone because you have little faith that He would even be there. To deconstruct the self, you have to come to the revelation that your body is a failing, and a new body, one that serves God’s will only, must be made. To forsake the self is to forsake the will, and with the will comes wants and desires. You have to not want nor desire nor crave anything, and you have to become a vessel of His Divine Will. You should have no worry, because that proves lack of faith in his consideration of His Beloved. It is written that the birds do not sow nor reap, yet are fed by God. If you do not recieve physical sustenance for survival, feed yourself with the Bread of Life and if you must, be martyred by poverty and the injustice of man. Reassure yourself if you invested greatly in God. .